Friday fun – jokes

Photo of a laughing dog
Laughing dog by PearlsandaCardi – CC:By

I’ve not blogged any jokes lately so here we go… if any of these are yours I’m happy to give credit or remove them if you are feeling particularly draconian – just leave a comment and I’ll get right to it.

  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My boss says I sit at a work station.
  • Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
  • The shinbone is a device God made for finding furniture in a dark room.
  • It says a lot that we’ve been working on Artificial intelligence for a few decades and natural stupidity for millenia.
  • The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
  • Gun control may be complex but it’s easier than idiot control.
  • When in doubt, mumble.
  • Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
  • The fact that Jesus loves you does not mean you are not an idiot.
  • Before hitching up with Mr or Miss Right – make sure their first name isn’t “Always”.
  • If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  • Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia: the fear of long words (no really it is).
  • 668 – The neighbour of the beast.
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and it wipes your tears, fart and you’re on your own.
  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.