Elephant jokes

I love elephant jokes, they require a certain weirdness in your sense of humour (and some lateral thinking) but… These are clean ones, I know plenty of riskier ones exist but please don’t send them to me. These have been knocking around for ages so i make no claim over copyright on them. As far as I know they’re in the public domain so do what you want with them.

* How can you spot an elephant in disguise? _He’s the one wearing sunglasses_
* How many elephants can you get in a mini1? Four. _Two in the front and two in the back_
* How do you tell when an elephant has been in your fridge? _Footprints in the butter_
* How do you tell when two elephants have been in your fridge? _Two sets of footprints in the butter_
* How do you tell when three elephants have been in your fridge? _Three sets of footprints in the butter_
* How do you tell when four elephants have been in your fridge? _There’s a mini parked outside_
* What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? _Time to get a new fence_
* Why isn’t it safe to enter the jungle on Tuesdays? _That’s elephants do their parachute practice_
* Why are crocodiles flat? _They entered the jungle on Tuesdays_
* What do you get if you cross and elephant and a kangaroo? _Dents all over Australia_
* How elephants hide in the kitchen? _They paint their feet yellow and hide upside down in a bowl of custard_
* Have you ever seen an elephant in a bowl of custard? _Proves how effective their disguise is_
* How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb? _None, elephants have no need of light bulbs_
* Why are elephants large grey and wrinkly? _If they were small round and white they’d be a cue ball_
* Why do elephants have big ears? _Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom._
* How do elephants get up oak trees? _Sit on an acorn and wait for spring_
* How do elephants get down from oak trees? _Sit on a leaf and wait for autumn_
* How do you get an elephant into a matchbox? _By taking the matches out first_
* What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants coming over the hill? _Look, the elephants are coming over the hill._
* What did Tarzan say when he elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill? _Nothing, they were in disguise._
* What do you do when a herd of elephants is charging towards you? _Make a trunk call and reverse the charges_
* What’s grey and has four legs? _An elephant (have you been paying attention?)_
* What’s NOT grey and doesn’t have four legs? _No elephants_
* What’s grey, has four legs and a trunk? _A mouse going on holiday_
* What’s the simplest way to sculpt and elephant out of marble? _You get a big block of marble and chip away everything that doesn’t resemble an elephant_
* How do you make elephant stew? _Dice one elephant and place in a simmering pot of stock until tender, add sliced rabbit to taste. You can use alternatives to rabbits but note that not everyone likes hare in their stew._
* Why did the elephant cross the road (1)? _The chicken had flu._
* Why did the elephant cross the road (2)? _His tender bid was lower than the chickens’ one._
* Why did the elephant stay on this side of the road? _There were cars coming – what do you think he is stupid?_
* Why do elephants paint their toenails green? _So they can hide in apple trees_
* Why can you hear screams from the orchard? _The giraffes are eating the apples._
* How do you catch an elephant? _By using elephant paper_
* How do you lure an elephant? _Hide in a bush and makes noises like a peanut_
* How do you worry an elephant? _Tell it that you’re the bait._
* Why do hippos swim in lakes? _I don’t care, these are elephant jokes!_
* Why have elephants got trunks? _Because they don’t like swimming in the nude_
* Why have elephants got big ears? _Because Noddy won’t pay the ransom_

1 A mini is a compact UK car, the older ones were very small indeed and can be seen in the classic 60s heist movie “The Italian Job”

2 comments on Elephant jokes

Comments are closed.